Remembering Mom

my mother on December 14, 1989 died by her own hand after a bitter, painful, futile fight against bipolar disorder. she was beautiful, intelligent, and deadly. she taught me to sew at age 4, to paint watercolors with sable brushes, and to survive.

as a gift to my mother i shall not lie about what killed her: untreated bipolar illness, ignorance, and prejudice against mental illness.

as a critical care nurse i care for patients with both unsuccessful and successful suicide attempts. i say, bring them on, assign them to me. i will be their nurse with all the kindness i can provide. i will take them in a wheelchair outside and let the sun warm their skin and the wind stir their hair. i believe that these patients have healed me from my mother's loss.

i offer a prayer of healing to all who suffer from mental illness and their families.

i offer a plea: get help, comply with medical treatment, grow old, and attend your daughter's wedding. don't become a coroner's call to your loved ones and a drop of blood on your bathroom wall.

Suzanne Hopps

August 3, 1939 - December 14, 1989

i love you forever